Published on August 9th, 2013 | by Katie


Diary Entry: You Smell Bad

An excerpt from Katie Boland’s diary from the summer she lost her mind.

This is a conversation I had with a man I was casually seeing who couldn’t love me, that for privacy purposes I’ll call “Scott”, also from my diary. — Katie 

“You have a specific smell,” Scott said.

“What? A bad one?” I asked.

“No, it’s not bad.”

“What does it smell like?”

“Just you. Your smell. I could be anywhere in the world, anytime, and I would know it’s your smell. I’ll never forget it.”

And then it hit me. Maybe all the men were just temporary, acting as in-betweeners, filling space. But we would mean something to each other. Our encounters would not be wholly casual, devoid of human feeling. We would leave a lasting impression on each other, however tiny. For better or for worse, we would remain somehow embedded in each other’s consciousness; in a smell, in a movement, in a look. Nothing ever meant nothing to anyone.

The next morning, we walked all around the city, and then after he bought me two McDonald’s soft-serves, he left me on a street corner in the middle of Toronto. We kissed, and the finality of it all surprised me.

I walked back to my apartment. It was far, it took me over two hours. I remember thinking the whole way home, but I wasn’t sure about what. Random thoughts just floated in and out of my head, strange voices I owned argued about if I’d done the right or wrong thing.

I decided I couldn’t just go home. I walked into my best male friend Ben’s place of work, which was a cafe around the corner.

“Guess who doesn’t learn from their mistakes?”

Ben looked up.  It was a question worth asking. I was still drunk and apparently, I looked like an insane homeless person.

“You, dummy.”

And then we both keeled over, laughing like hyenas.

I haven’t seen or spoke to Scott since.

Diary Entry, real excerpts from Katie Boland‘s diary are a regular feature on this site.  You can find more here.

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About the Author

Katie Boland wrote, produced and stars in Long Story, Short a web series about the summer she lost her mind.

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